How to Meditate
Remember when I used to meditate every morning?
Here's what happened when I tried to pick it back up again today. I was trying to "sit" with some gross feelings and some self-induced nerves.
This is an actual real-time stream of conscious of what my brain looked like whilst doing 20 minutes of mindfulness meditation. This is what it looks like, give or take, every single time.
Have you ever just sat there and looked at your thoughts? This is exactly what happens. And there's nothing wrong with it, all of these thought wanderings are the point of meditation.
You go away, then you come back to the "breath"...or whatever you pick to focus on.
When you remember, snap yourself out of it. My word to do that is "Here." Then I remember to breathe and focus on something real.
Enjoy my brain.
- Oh God. Why?
- Who does that?
- Someone needs to muzzle me.
- Do I need a tampon?
- I love triscuits.
- The mini ones are just so cute.
- Do my teeth hurt?
- Am I getting a cold?
- I'll kill Kate if she gave me her cold.
- I should ask Kate how she's feeling today.
- I want to know what love is....is a great song.
- I wonder what Wynonna Judd is up to these days.
- Do I want kids?
- Will they listen to Wynonna Judd?
- Do I have terrible posture?
- Why is my skin so freaking dry?
- I would kill someone for wanton soup right now.
- Or some kind of dumpling.
- No. A big cookie.
- And milk.
- Get eggnog for Christmas Eve.
- Shampoo, eggnog, makeup remover, paper towels, mouthwash, tampons.
- Why do my hip flexors hurt so much?
- I miss Seinfeld.
- I hope Julia Louis Dryfus beats this cancer.
- I hope I don't get cancer.
- When do I get a mammogram?
- I should eat clean.
- Should I do a CSA thing?
- Is Gal Gadot as great in real life as I want her to be?
- I really need to do my shoulder exercises.
- I should swim tomorrow.
- How cute was that Christmas concert yesterday?
- God, I love my nieces.
- I hope they think I'm cool when they're older.
- Does something smell in my apartment?
- Is it me?
- What do I smell like?
- I should make protein balls.
- Shampoo, toothpaste, arugula, mouthwash, bananas, stuff to make protein balls.
- Do I miss my pre-out life?
- Am I disappointed or depressed or tired or ready for a change?
- Or hungry?
- Was that my phone???
- Text me already, Jesus.
- I need to stop doing stupid things.
- It wasn't stupid.
- Yes it was.
- Why am I so gassy?
- I should make that sausage and pepper thing again.
- Maybe I should get a paper calendar for next year
- Would I really stick to writing 1,000 words a week next year?
- Why is my neck so itchy?
- A deep breath feels nice.
- OMG Raegan's laugh.
- What size shoes does she wear?
- Am I funny?
- Tom. Or. Row.
- Wed. Nes. Day.
- Just text.
- What if I think this thing is like the greatest thing I've ever written and it's gar-bahje?
- What would I do even if I knew I would fail?
- That's so stupid.
- And necessary.
- I hate everyone I have ever talked to on Tinder and Bumble.
- Almost everyone.
- Does every couple want a threesome??
- Honestly, I'd be all thumbs.
- There's probably someone out there into someone with all thumbs.
- Does my nose whistle?
- How old am I?
- Do people forget how old they are sometimes?
- I just want to crack my neck.
- How long is the hair on my face?
- Why does it feel a mile long right now?
- Do I like my eyebrow shape?
- Could I ever be a singer?
FEEL COLD AIR ON BACK OF THROAT
FEEL WARM AIR ON EDGE OF NOSE
- What in the hell was that chest pain??
- I'm so gross.
- Make a dentist appointment.
- And an oil change.
- Oil change means pap smear.
- Shelly thinks that's funny.
- What noise is my car making?
- "In ex chelsea's table" are absolutely the words in "Angels We Have Heard on High"
- I cannot wait for music on Christmas Eve
- Get hangover cake from DeFazio's
- Get calzone from DeFazio's
- STAMPS! GET STAMPS!
- Shampoo, moisturizer, arugula, bananas, stamps, toothpaste, mouthwash....
MAY I BE HAPPY
MAY I BE HEALTHY
MAY I BE SAFE
MAY I LIVE WITH EASE
- I'm doing the best I can with what I have.
- Breathe in
- I'm ok.
- Breathe out
- We'll be ok.
- Breathe in
- Breathe out
- Breathe in
- Breathe ou.....